As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been struggling with resistance recently while writing the memoir. I did manage to get in there on Sunday, July 14, and again on the 21st to work, but then not at all on the 28th, the 4th, or the 11th. It was just not a world I wanted to enter. I wrote about my resistance in my journal and I talked about it with a friend. My friend talked a long time with me on Saturday about the memoir, and perhaps this helped. She also said, “How about just trying to write 500 words instead of your usual 1,000?” I said, “Good plan.”
So I got up on Sunday, made my coffee, flipped open the laptop, opened the memoir file and went in to write my 500 words. Three and a half hours (and four cups of coffee) later, I closed the laptop. I had written 2, 747 words.
Which puts me back on track.
Most importantly: I broke through something very difficult in the manuscript. Who knows if all of that angsting and procrastinating and anxious fretting of the past few weeks was necessary or not? It may not have been necessary at all. But I’m going to bet it was. It was necessary. Maybe even essential. My subconscious was working through something. And it wasn’t ready to get in there and tackle it yet. But, boy, when it was ready, it went right for the target. It nailed it.
Process — trust it. Trust that your subconscious is doing its job as you are mopping the floors/cleaning cat hair off of the couch/clipping said cat’s nails/wiping the windowsills and de-dusting the mini-blinds/organizing your tax receipts from four years ago/trying to figure out how to re-attach the thinga-ma-jig that fell off of the chain to the ceiling fan… Trust that while you are doing all of that very seemingly necessary stuff, your subconscious is doing the work that is essential.
And then get out of the way and let it do its thing. Trust the process.